If you’ve ever been in love, you might be familiar with the practice of mailing nice things to the object of your affection. I don’t know, maybe you’ve sent flowers or chocolates or a customized T-shirt with a photo of Jake Gyllenhaal feeding Kirsten Dunst soup on it.
If you have never been in love, maybe you’re familiar with pranks.
No matter which group you belong to — lovers or pranksters — Mojigram claims to have something for you. Specifically, it has a corrugated plastic emoji that you can write a message on the back of and mail to someone. Your choices are poop emoji ($14.99), embarrassed emoji ($14.99), LOL emoji ($14.99), and heart-eyes emoji ($12.99). Why heart-eyes emoji is $2 cheaper than the other emoji is a J.J.-Abrams-caliber mystery.
According to the website, Mojigrams are 13 x 13 inches and 4mm thick. So, if you live in the US, congratulations on understanding how big the emoji are, and if you live in any other country, congratulations on understanding how thick they are.
Your Mojigram message can be up to 250 characters and it will be delivered “usually within 3 to 7 business days.” Another thing you could do if you don’t want to go out of your way to mail a giant emoji to someone is send them a text that says “I’m the worst” and then they’ll know.
I’m just kidding! Have fun; go crazy. Do what you want with your money. I bought the libretto to a 1983 musical yesterday and no one tried to weigh in on that purchase.
Mojigram is a new little business venture from the same people who do Piñatagram. A piñata is a way better thing to mail someone, if you ask me. But, again — express your love or your rivalries however you want. An emoji poop on a doorstep is better than a real poop on a doorstep, and a heart-eyes emoji in the mailbox is nice, compared to the world around it.